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Divorce is the beginning of a life review process. For many people, it`is the first intentional decision they make about their lives. The transition into the next stage of life is difficult at first, but it gets easier. The questions I can help you with: What happened? How do I take care of our children? How do I get over my anger? How do I plan a future for myself?
I am Philip Belove, psychologist and coach. My specialty is helping people do their midlife transformation work, a psychological project that creates a foundation for happy and satisfying second half of life.
Midlife Work, because it involves so much careful attention to inner truth, is notoriously stressful on marriages and on dating relationships.
The challenges of the midlife project are echoed in the typical questions asked me as a dating-at-midlife expert:
?Learning to reconcile what you say with what you do. This challenge is echoed in questions like: Why does he say this when he does that? What is really happening?
?Learning to create your own dreams instead of being the victim of someone else's. This challenged is echoed in questions like these: How do I say that I don't want to xyz? I've been lying about some things and what should I do now?
?Learning to live a life that suits you. This challenge produces questions like Is what I'm doing normal? What if my kids think I'm crazy? How can I say that this is starting to bother me?
A person doing Midlife Transformation Work needs to develop 1) A Working Vision, 2) Skills and Strategies to realize that vision, and 3) External sources of support for the project. My role for people is to be part of the support system. I help people clarify their visions, develop the strategies and skills they need, and I help them review their progress.
M.A. Counseling Psychology
Ed.D. Counsulting Psychology (Family Therapy)
I like this subject because people dealing with it are taking their lives so seriously.
We live in a culture that supports divorce. In the past, cultures supported marriage. This freedom of choice is a profound challenge.
If you leave a relationship becuase you found it overwhelming, the next intimate relationship you enter will eventually take you to the same challenge point.
| User | Date | K | C | T | P | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Marie | 11/23/09 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 10 | Very empathetic to my situation.polite and ..... |
| L | 11/22/09 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | Thanks for your perspective I have gotten ..... |
| Dominique | 11/04/09 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | Great advice. I just wish it was ..... |
| L | 11/01/09 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | |
| Monika | 10/05/09 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 |
I guess she was quite hurt. Some people handle betrayal this way. They can't forget and they can't forgive. You're going to have to do more than just beg for her to come back. I think a lot depends
Dear Lori, You are right. The relationship with the Ex is always stressful and a challenge. It is hard to find what's reasonable. Best is to approach it as a challenge for the two of you, the
Dear Tanya, Thank you for this lovely and touching story. You say you don't know what to do anymore and I applaud you for your self knowledge and maturity. It takes some people a lifetime to realize
Marie, thank you for writing. I appreciate the seriousness of your situation. Deciding to divorce is always difficult but I would support your wish to do so. You've made a case that he is a cruel man
Dear Priya, This is a very difficult decision you are about to make. There is risk in either direction and you seem to have made a good beginning toward seeing the risks clearly. I can't tell you what
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