Parenting Stepchildren/Expert Profile

Expertise

Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own. I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. As I am using this information for research, DO NOT SET YOUR QUESTION TO PRIVATE. I am not your personal counselor. This site is meant to help others in similar situations by being able to read those experiences and seeing my suggestions. I will most likely send your question to the "pool" if you do wish to remain a private emailer in order to allow another expert a chance to address your concerns. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out. I encourage Bioparents to stop fighting with stepparents and start working with them as a team.

Experience in the area

Living with stepchildren is incredibly difficult; being a stepparent has always been sterotyped under the Cinderella persona. The wicked stepmother, overbearing and cruel... Often times, the reality of the situation is completely different. Stepparents are expected to step in when the bioparent steps out, then are criticized and attacked when they try their best to be a good "fill-in" for the bioparent. Stepchildren are often the ones who are cruel and difficult, filled with issues surrounding their bioparent's divorce and resentment towards the "intruder" in their lives. No one truly knows how hard it is to be a stepparent, except another stepparent.

Education/Credentials

BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.

What do you like about this subject?

There is no "perfect" family in existance. Having lived the life, made many mistakes and had great successes, I feel it necessary to share anything I can of my experiences to help others enjoy the riches and successes of a blended family.

What do you still hope to achieve/learn in this field?

I would like to make people more aware of what it takes to be a stepparent and for people to think more about taking the plunge as being a stepparent before actually becoming one. I am writing a book on stepparenting to help others by allowing them a glimpse into the world of stepparenting through the eyes of others.

Something interesting about this subject that others may not know:

If we were to gather together in a pail, all the things that would make stepparenting easier, the largest item in our pail would be understanding, but the biggest would be unconditional love... from both stepparents and stepchildren... Stepparents are not just financial means to making single bioparents' lives easier, we are people too...

Something controversial or provocative about this subject

"...we are expected to raise, support,nurture and care for our stepchildren, yet laws and bios do not allow us the rights of a parent... should we not then be considered "caregivers" and be paid for our services? ... perhaps instead of fighting us, bioparents should work with us in raising their children... because reality dictates that we are a blended society, and stepparents are inevitable."