Dating at Midlife/Expert Profile

Expertise

Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 68 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 25 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults.  I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a dating at midlife newsletter and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships  so they achieve the goal of midlife development  to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can. Check out more articles at www.drbelove.com

Experience in the area

Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 67. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship.

Education/Credentials

Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst

What do you like about this subject?

I like it because it is all about the wisdom and foolishness of the heart. It is all about love and the amazing ways -- weird, funny, touching, painful, strong -- it shows itself. I see this reaching for Love behind all the stories, fears, claims and resentments in the people I work with.

What do you still hope to achieve/learn in this field?

I am writing a book. I have seven years of interviews, clinical practice, advice giving, teaching and research in it. In Midlife dating people work through their midlife transformation. Each relationship has a lesson which is repeated until you get it. Eventually, you can be in the same relationship and get the lesson sequence.

Something interesting about this subject that others may not know:

Subscribe to my newsletter at www.drbelove.com. Midlife maturity is a choice, a commitment to doing the Work, learning the lessons. We can refuse the call to midlife maturity and ignore the lessons of reality and keep trying to prove that the vision of life we formed in adolescence was the Ultimate truth. Some people do that.

Something controversial or provocative about this subject

One of the biggest lessons is how much more there is to you beyond the limitations of gender. Men and women develop new powers. In the early stages of the transformation these new powers are clumsy and men tend to get emotionally clumsy while women can get to be a little too hard-headed.