Dating at Midlife/Expert Profile


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Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 71 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 35 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults.  I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a blog at www.drbelove.com and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships  so they achieve the goal of midlife development  to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can.

Experience in the area

Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 71. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship. I now have a perspective on midlife.

Publications

Please check out my book, Rabbis in Love, at www.rabbis-in-love.com Also my blog at www.drbelove.com The Rabbi book was done as part of a research project. My collaborator, Marilyn Bronstein, and I wanted to interview couples with very successful marriage and also we wanted to talk to people who cared as much about their spirituality as love. Maybe being able to love and be spiritual were one and same, we thought. So we found a rabbi couple and the interview was so astounding that we interviewed nine more rabbi couples. One dropped. They'd revealed too much. It's a fascinating book and, Jewish or not, religious or not, these couples do a lot of things right and there is a lot to learn from them.

Education/Credentials

Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst

What do you like about this subject?

I like it because it is all about the wisdom and foolishness of the heart. It is all about love and the amazing ways -- weird, funny, touching, painful, strong -- it shows itself. I see this reaching for Love behind all the stories, fears, claims and resentments in the people I work with.

What do you still hope to achieve/learn in this field?

I am writing a book. I have seven years of interviews, clinical practice, advice giving, teaching and research in it. In Midlife dating people work through their midlife transformation. Each relationship has a lesson which is repeated until you get it. Eventually, you can be in the same relationship and get the lesson sequence.

Something interesting about this subject that others may not know:

Subscribe to my newsletter at www.drbelove.com. Midlife maturity is a choice, a commitment to doing the Work, learning the lessons. We can refuse the call to midlife maturity and ignore the lessons of reality and keep trying to prove that the vision of life we formed in adolescence was the Ultimate truth. Some people do that.

Something controversial or provocative about this subject

One of the biggest lessons is how much more there is to you beyond the limitations of gender. Men and women develop new powers. In the early stages of the transformation these new powers are clumsy and men tend to get emotionally clumsy while women can get to be a little too hard-headed.

Average Ratings

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    K = Knowledgeability    C = Clarity of Response    P = Politeness
UserDateKCPComments
Angela08/11/14101010I LOVED WHAT YOU ASID...ABOUT SITTING .....
Confused07/25/14101010Simply awesome. Gives time, detail, and thought .....
Carol06/17/14101010Thank you very much for your wonderful .....
Carol01/27/14101010You are the best person on this .....
antonio12/12/13101010thank you dear fiend

Recent Answers from Philip Belove, Ed.D.

2014-07-27 Perplexed:

Hi Gabby,     Thanks for writing. Good , very good question.  Nice archetypal situation.     I can't tell you what to decide but I think I can help you find ways to think about what's going on. I think

2014-06-24 extreme anxiety about dating:

Well first, congratulations for stepping up to a very big personal challenge.     Certainly part of preparation is thinking about the worst case scenario, as you have done, and then being prepared to accept

2014-05-03 Distress:

Dear Breanna,    I will say that I  have been interviewing successful couples for the last five years or so and with a collaborator, we'll have a book out at the end of the year about how people create

2014-04-15 Next Steps:

(Hi. I added some thoughts at the bottom)    Well, maybe we should have an actual consultation on this but I'll see what I can do within this medium for now.      It sounds like something is being triggered

2014-04-13 next step:

"Cow...milk for free" was a rather harsh framing.  Do you really feel you are being exploited?  If that is so, then it's worth taking a good look at that intuition to see how it stands up.  Clearly something

 

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