Hi. I`m Philip Belove (that is my name, really). I`m 71 and I`ve been a psychologist all my midlife, the past 35 years. My specialty has been counseling and coaching other midlife adults. I think we all figure things out as we go along, but even more so at midlife. Being between 40-ish and 60-ish and single is like being a stranger in a strange land. I`ve learned which questions help people find their own way. I created this category, I publish a blog at www.drbelove.com and I write articles for various web sites. My commitment is to help people 1) understand and improve how they deal with others, 2) understand the forces that rule the relationships they are in, and 3) make the decisions which will shape, or create, or end those relationships so they achieve the goal of midlife development to finally live with personal satisfaction. I`ve been divorced twice myself. I`m in a satisfying relationship with a fine person. I`m very interested in learning about your challenges and in offering what I can.
Professionally: Licensed Psychologist. Marriage and Family Therapist. Coach.Author. University Lecturer. Personally: I'm 71. I've probably made all the big mistakes, er, learned the big lessons.I've forgiven myself and made many apologies and I've made it into a good, stable, sweet relationship. I now have a perspective on midlife.
Please check out my book, Rabbis in Love, at www.rabbis-in-love.com Also my blog at www.drbelove.com The Rabbi book was done as part of a research project. My collaborator, Marilyn Bronstein, and I wanted to interview couples with very successful marriage and also we wanted to talk to people who cared as much about their spirituality as love. Maybe being able to love and be spiritual were one and same, we thought. So we found a rabbi couple and the interview was so astounding that we interviewed nine more rabbi couples. One dropped. They'd revealed too much. It's a fascinating book and, Jewish or not, religious or not, these couples do a lot of things right and there is a lot to learn from them.
Masters in Counseling Psychology, Alfred Adler Institute Doctorate in Consulting Psychology, focus on family therapy, University of Massachusetts at Amherst
I like it because it is all about the wisdom and foolishness of the heart. It is all about love and the amazing ways -- weird, funny, touching, painful, strong -- it shows itself. I see this reaching for Love behind all the stories, fears, claims and resentments in the people I work with.
I am writing a book. I have seven years of interviews, clinical practice, advice giving, teaching and research in it. In Midlife dating people work through their midlife transformation. Each relationship has a lesson which is repeated until you get it. Eventually, you can be in the same relationship and get the lesson sequence.
Subscribe to my newsletter at www.drbelove.com. Midlife maturity is a choice, a commitment to doing the Work, learning the lessons. We can refuse the call to midlife maturity and ignore the lessons of reality and keep trying to prove that the vision of life we formed in adolescence was the Ultimate truth. Some people do that.
One of the biggest lessons is how much more there is to you beyond the limitations of gender. Men and women develop new powers. In the early stages of the transformation these new powers are clumsy and men tend to get emotionally clumsy while women can get to be a little too hard-headed.
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I recognized you. Yes. I was nice to hear from you again. I don't know that I'd call what you have with her as "love." Maybe. But it's a mess and one you've been in often. I hope that one of
Yes, always so sad when a woman closes the relationship and cancels everything. From what I can understand of your story and your situation, you are fortunate that she ended it now;. She is not
Hi Paula, Glad you love the name. It's real. It was hard to carry in grade school, as you might imagine. Now it's a pleasant and amusing coincidence. Maybe it's been my destiny. Re: your story
Hi Gabby, Thanks for writing. Good , very good question. Nice archetypal situation. I can't tell you what to decide but I think I can help you find ways to think about what's going on. I think
Well first, congratulations for stepping up to a very big personal challenge. Certainly part of preparation is thinking about the worst case scenario, as you have done, and then being prepared to accept
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