How to Know if You`re Really in Love/Expert Profile

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Mando (Carl Atteniese Jr.)


I've read, thought, written, and taught about love for over eleven years. I've had thoughtful love-oriented relationships only--for about twenty-eight years. I struggle endlessly to be a supremely thoughtful, compassionate, fair, and empirical thinker. This is crucial. I believe in the feeling and process of love. This is also crucial. As an artist, a poet, and an essayist--as a teacher of ESL in other cultures--I have had ample opportunity for the analysis of love... personally and inter-culturally, and this has made my introspection and analysis of relationships--with original ideas and those of my favorite psychotherapists--very fruitful. I will tell you three things, which will help you now--before you even write to me: To have true love in yourself and with another, you must: 1. Be Free. 2. Be Adult. 3. Be Honest. 4. Be Disciplined. 5. Find numbers 3~5 easy, because you are overcome with love. 6. Be willing to do virtually anything reasonable (and many things unreasonable from the point of view of others).7. Never settle (in other words, be with someone you do not love), thinking that you will grow into love. 8. Never take a match made by another; your heart and mind must choose your love--period. 9. Never allow yourself to be put into temptation--ever (this is also natural--if you are in love). 10. Be able to listen like you never listened before--to yourself and to your beloved. 11. Love humanity--both the conditions & qualities, and all people.

Experience in the area

I've been fortunate to have helped many people around the world and I love to do it. I will be happy to help you, too--no matter whom you are. If I am busy or unable to help you right away, consider these books to help you help yourself--until I can respond: "Being Happy", by Andrew Mathews; any books by Dr. Wayne Dyer; "The Art of Loving", by Dr. Erich Fromm; "Love", by Leo Buscaglia, "True Love", and "Anger", both by Thich Nhat Hanh. Also Read "The Beloved" and "The Prophet", both by Khalil Gibran. Read "The Road Less Traveled" and "People of The Lie", both by Dr. M. Scott Peck.... Learn more about me at


Amnesty International Partner of Conscience (, Union of Concerned Scientists ( and (htp://


Korea Herald (, New York Newsday, The Planetary Review, The Long Island Catholic, Wake Up And Laugh (, The Ocean And The Stars (, Cradle of The Universe (


Certificates in recognizing violence in the home and child abuse, in preventing violence in school. Raised with an emphasis on loving all people and to be politically active. Studied Zen at Hwa Gye Sa Temple, Han Maum Zen & Culture Center, and The Buddhist English Library of Seoul, in South Korea. Taught seventeen years in the US and South Korea. Teacher Training in the U.S. at Berlitz and the Center for English Studies, NYC, and at Inlingua, Princeton. Studied Drawing, Photography, and Painting at the School of Visual Arts, NYC, and basic Psychology at Nassau Community College, Long Island. Fifteen years of experience teaching English as a Second language--many of those years abroad--has helped as well, as people from other cultures help us see ourselves and other human beings in a different light.

Awards and Honors

My reward is knowing I have helped people.

Past/Present Clients

I have taught and counseled people of all ages, experience-levels, professions and religions, and consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity and thankful to those who have shared with me. Every such interaction is a learning experience, and an opportunity for growth and improvement.

What do you like about this subject?

Love is the most important phenomenon and practice in human existence and development. All good things human stem from it. It's the most enjoyable emotion to feel, but, it's more than a feeling.

What do you still hope to achieve/learn in this field?

To inspire greater honesty, understanding, compassion and growth in people and in their relationships.

Something interesting about this subject that others may not know:

Love is not shopping for a better person. It's not subverting your heart and mind for others. It's being a person you and another can love. It's emotional and intellectual intelligence, but not logic. It's romantic attraction and decision; practice, not a mere emotion.

Something controversial or provocative about this subject

Traditionally, Love has been "permitted" and "forbidden" by kings, parents, priests, clerics and guardians. That's wrong. Love is the purest, most righteous phenomenon, and so shouldn't be interfered with. It's learned, and found, and already there-not granted. People breaking up after years are likely giving up. Love is as much work as inspiration, if not more.

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Recent Answers from Mando (Carl Atteniese Jr.)

2016-08-23 Should I tell crush abroad I like her????....:

Hi,    You're welcome.    It doesn't matter one way or the other, because you can't control her; if she appreciates your loving her and loves you, too--she will likewise appreciate your timing. If she

2016-08-20 Should I tell crush abroad I like her????....:

OK:    On the one hand, how do you know it will end badly if you tell her you like her? On the other hsnd, maybe you feel that way because your unconscious mind (some say "intuition") is telling you it's

2016-07-01 a chance of clouds:

Dear Agnes    I sincerely hope this letter finds you exceptionally well.    Thank you for writing.    I think that at a time like this--if not at all times--it is best to steer a clear, simple course.

2016-04-01 Soon to be ex wife wants to remain friends:

Dear Andy,    Thank you for writing. It's not easy, so first off, congratulate yourself for having the courage. It is a step toward being bigger than yesterday. We all grow in sharing.     I don't know

2016-02-08 Confused:

Hello, Nisha,    Thank you for writing--it shows courage, self effacement, a love of your (and perhaps of others') humanity, and a willingness to try and make things better.    No, I don't think you loved


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